1
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TV Newsreader: Police
believe the fire was started deliberately at around 2 o'clock this morning when
burning paper was pushed through the letterbox. They are appealing for
witnesses to the event.
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2
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Crown Prosecutor: Tell
us in your own words exactly what happened.
Witness: We were in
the bar when a man walked up to the victim, pointed a gun at his head and said
'You're a dead man.' Then he pulled the trigger three times.
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3
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Police constable: You were
going in excess of 60, and this is a 30 zone.
Man in car: I think
you're mistaken, constable. I was well within the speed limit.
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4
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Woman: When I got
home, I discovered that my back door had been broken open.
Police officer: Had
anything been stolen?
Woman: Yes, my new
laptop, £200 in cash and my pet parrot.
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5
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Police officer: I'm sorry
sir, but I have to report your actions to the proper authorities.
Man: Look, officer,
here's £50. Let's just pretend this didn't happen, eh?
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6
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Extract from a newspaper
article:
The two men were arrested and detained after police checks revealed that
they had been distributing pornographic material over the Internet.
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7
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Interviewing detective: All right,
Dagsy. We know you didn't do the Cornmarket Street bank job yourself, but
we know that you were involved somehow.
Police suspect: I was just
driving the car Mr Regan, honest. And I didn't know what the others were up
to until they came back with bags of cash.
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8
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TV newsreader: The car
bomb went off in a busy marketplace, injuring several shoppers.
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9
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Radio newsreader: The police
raided a house in New Street this morning and recovered 250 illegal copies
of the latest Harry Potter film, along with professional film copying
equipment.
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10
|
Man reading newspaper: I don't
believe it. The Foreign Minister has been caught giving government secrets
to another country!
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11
|
Political agitator: Now is the
time to rise up and overthrow the running dogs that call themselves our
government. Death to the Prime Minister and his cronies! Death to the Royal
Family! Death to the system that bleeds us dry and abandons us!
Unwashed anarchist hordes: Hooray!
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12
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Shop assistant: I can't
accept this £20 note, madam. It's a fake.
Customer: What? You
mean it's counterfeit?
Shop assistant: I'm afraid
so. Do you have any other means of payment?
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13
|
Extract from a newspaper
article:
The investigation into the rail accident confirmed that it occurred because
the rail company had failed to maintain the tracks properly over a
five-year period. Eight people died when the train left the tracks and hit
an embankment.
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14
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Police officer: Take your
time and tell me what happened, dear.
Pensioner: The man who
came to my door said he had come to read the electric meter, so I let him
in. I went to the kitchen to make him a cup of tea. When I returned he had
gone, and so had my television.
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15
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TV newsreader: A
journalist working in the city disappeared this morning. Police later
received a note from a militant faction claiming that they had taken him
and were holding him hostage.
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16
|
Woman: The
graffiti around here is getting really bad. Last week somebody wrote
'Chelsea are rubbish' on our garden wall.
Man: That's not
good. It should say 'Chelsea are complete rubbish'.
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17
|
Man: Look at
this note, Cheri. It arrived in the post today. It says 'Leave £10,000 in
cash in the bin by the bus stop, or I'll tell everyone your dirty secret'.
Woman: Don't worry
about it, Tony. It's probably another little joke from him next door.
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18
|
Prosecuting lawyer: Tell us
again what happened on the night of the incident, Mr Williams. And let me
remind you that you are still under oath.
Defendant: Like I told
you, I was at home asleep, so I have no idea what happened.
Prosecuting lawyer: Don't lie,
Mr Williams. We have video evidence that you were in the nightclub until
3am. And you were seen by several witnesses.
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19
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Defendant: I don't
recognise this court. This trial shouldn't be taking place.
Judge: Sit down,
Mr Dowling. You are out of order.
Defendant: Oh shut up,
you silly old woman. Go back home and do some washing up or something.
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20
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Accountant: We've audited
these accounts very carefully, and they just don't add up.
Office manager: What
exactly are you saying?
Accountant: I'm saying
that someone in your office has been secretly helping themselves to company
money.
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21
|
TV presenter: Jimmy Bond,
a former government intelligence agent, has just published a book about the
Intelligence Service called 'Lifting the Lid'. In it, he gives us a
revealing insight into the life of a secret agent. The government have
strongly condemned the book, claiming it contains classified information
that should not be in the public domain.
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22
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Magistrate: Constable,
could you explain what happened?
Police constable: I was
proceeding down Newland Street at approximately 8 o'clock last night when I
heard a lot of shouting coming from The Newlands Inn public house. On
entering, I saw the accused in a state of undress and dancing on a table.
Magistrate: You mean he
was naked?
Police constable: Yes. As the
day he was born.
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23
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Radio newsreader: The judge
in the trial of notorious gangster Joe 'Pinko' Pallino adjourned the court
today after it was revealed that several members of the jury had been
offered bribes and other incentives to pass a verdict of 'not guilty' on Mr
Pallino.
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24
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TV presenter: A bank
account was opened in a false name in the Bahamas, and the cash deposited there.
The funds were then sent by telegraphic transfer to another account in
Switzerland, and the Bahamas account was closed. It was at this stage that
the Metropolitan Police called in Interpol.
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